I Meet Someone / We Talk / I Detail The Eternity Of Torment I Have Planned For Their Weak, Pitiful Flesh / They Solve My Puzzle Box, Banishing Me To Hell Again
Me:/Hello darkness my old friend/2 days later…/Lol sorry just saw this
Gamblers trolly problem / Fun fact! 99% of gamblers quit right before they’re about to win big! / This box has a 99% chance to contain a person, 1% chance to be empty / This box has a 50% chance to contain 5 people, and a 50% chance to contain nothing.
First Pokémon To Be Defeated Must Have Been Like:
Every morning when I look in the mirror:/I suppose we are both disappointments.
Friend: Yo, can I have a piece of your foo-/Me:
POV: A toddler offers to share their snack with you.
Me: Hey! You Wanna Play Basketball? / My Friend: Sure. Where Do You Want To Play? / Me: / Basketball Court Of Death
You Are Not A Machine / Your best / Your best / Your best / Your best / Your best / Your best / Your “Best” Will Look Different Each Day / And That’s Totally Okay!
When You Eat A Very Delicious Meal
When you realize dog noses look like angry aliens
How That Second Wave Of Sleep Felt After Waking Up Too Early The First Time / Sarcasm
When you work above and beyond at your job and they reward you with more work / I am a victim of my own success.
The Thiccest Skateboard / $25
The Teachers Copy / What They Give You
That One Follower Who Likes Everything You Post
Mom: Son where are you going this weekend? / Me: / If I tell you what happens, it won’t happen.
There Are Two Reactions To Seeing Someone You Recognize In Public:/Or
You Saw Me At The Party And Didn’t Say Hi / What I Saw At The Party:
Reinstalling the game you haven’t played in a long time / Playing the game and remembering why you’ve uninstalled it
I’ll Do It Later / Me When Later Arrives:
Me Preparing For The Concert / Going On Stage / My Confidence And Muscle Memory
Me: Lays down to go to sleep / My anxiety: / In 8 seconds, you’ll be attacked.