I want to be stupid rich / I’m halfway there because / I’m already stupid
I don’t know what religion this is / But I’m interested
Do I have time to get coffee/Yes/No/Good/Oh well doing it anyway
Buying these oven gloves so that I can say / I made this with my bear hands
I admire people who do exercise with no music / Like you are putting your body in pain while being alone with your thoughts thats double torture / Anyone at the gym with no headphones is training to avenge someones death
A spoon’s only objective in life is to make soup go upwards and it knows this / That’s why when you put one under a running tap it blasts the water way high / The spoon thinks there’s suddenly tons of soup to deal with and it freaks out
You’re not hungry / You’re bored / Shut the damn door / No I’m just sad
When you’re playing hide and seek and your spot is so good that you’ve been hiding for 2 hours
Don’t lie this has happened to you before and you tortured yourself trying to fix it
When you’re eating in a restaurant and find a hair in your food so you complain and the bald chef comes at you like
When you just have to sit down and admire how badly you f**ked up
When there’s a red barrel in a fps game but it doesn’t explode when you shoot it / Wait that’s illegal
When someone replies with k in a text message / Here lies this conversation
My parents at the age of 29 / I think we can afford to have one more baby / Me at the age of 29 / We should find one more roommate or else we can’t afford the rent
Putting milk before cereal / Showering with the lights off / Walking slowly after turning off the lights / Laughing when I feel pain / Shitting at school bathrooms / Biting ice cream / Me aparently
Unhated / Vegetables / Annual meeting
Trying to act like a functioning adult while my soul is busy filing a mental complaint against humanity.
Tom and jerry illustrating mouse holes like this / Do you trust me / Me a child / With every cell of my body
This position starts to get uncomfortable again
The support / The congratulations
My stomach / The phone in my pocket
Left / Exit 12 / The place she’s allowed in / The 0.5% of the house she’s not allowed in / My cat
He was a boy / She was a girl / Youtube to mp3 / Spotify premium
My bladder when another 3 hour movie drops in cinemas to massive critical and commercial success giving Hollywood more reason to continue making them / I’m tired boss