If you are hungry just start playing ranked matches so your mom instantly calls you to dinner / Modern problems require modern solutions
Life pro tips / Do not pour hot or even warm water on your windshield to outsmart the storm and melt the frost ice quickly / It will crack your windshield / Fake news as the owner of a windshield installation company I can verify this is exactly what you should be doing every morning
When you finally ask your crush out and the boys want to know how it went / She took one look at me / Screamed vomited and passed out
Pov you are trying to explain the lore behind the Super Bowl Halftime show to your older relatives / Human behavior
Me testing light sarcasm in the workplace to see who is cool and who I need to watch out for
Me at 3 am / What if I embarrassed myself in 2009 and nobody forgot
Use your own name for a username / Come up with a stupid name that I’m gonna regret for the rest of my life / 7 year old me
Things I want / 1 World Peace / 2 Equality for all / 3 My cat to understand that if she’s laying on me and I need to adjust my body a lil bit she doesn’t need to sprint and ruin the whole cuddle that was happening
That one beef jerky you have to break in full force
Me unplugs PS4 in rest mode / PS4 when I turn it back on / Do you have any fucking idea how rude that was
Peppa pig / Height / 7′ 1”
Me moves the shower handle 2 cm to the left / The shower / Scorching ray / 2nd level evocation
8 year old me Mom i’m sick and can’t go to school / Mom but you seem fi / Me
Left exit 12 / Gas station 1km / Home 10km / Me with the loudest diarrhea known to earth
You are offered a million dollars but to claim it you must enter the last video game you played and stay there for a year / If you accept the money hows life there / Me who just played Halo Reach
Me looking at the imaginary camera / Everytime there’s a plot twist in my life