Singer making eye contact to cue Verse / Me blasting into my 3rd solo
Blue door: You go back in time and fix all your mistakes / Red door: 10 Million in cash
When you realize that the voice inside your head isn’t you
Hey Guess What / Me: “What?” / No You Have To Guess Lol / Me:
Neighbors fought again. / I put a speaker next to the wall and played a loud swaying tone reminiscent of high voltage hum. / I could hear them stop arguing and start to coordinate to figure out where it was coming from
My soul leaving my body when the teacher says “let’s hear from someone who hasn’t spoken yet”
I came home & my dog peed a little bc he was happy to see me. / None of my friends pee when they see me. / I’m surrounded by fakes
Assume They’re Laughing At A Joke / They’re Laughing At You / Me When I Hear Someone Laughing
Me When I Don’t Share Any Memes For An Hour:/I Need To Get My Life Back Together And Start Sharing Some Dope Memes
Autosave / Do You Trust Me? / Me Doing Manual Save / No / First Manual Save / Do You Trust Me? / Me Doing Manual Save For The Second Time / No
At 12 Am:/Let’s Watch 1 Episode Before Sleeping/At 5 Am:/Damn, That Was A Good Season
It’s Ok To Lie Down And Rot / Mushrooms Love That
Them: I’m not ready for a relationship / Also them: *In a relationship a week later* / Me: Ok so I guess… / I’m the problem / It’s me!
When someone gets home from holiday / And uploads all the photos at once
When you & your friend both have terrible ideas & consistently encourage each other to act on them
Therapist: And what do we say when we feel this way? / Me: Don’t be sad. Because sad backwards is das. And das not good. / Therapist: *Taking notes* Can I use that
Mom: You made breakfast by yourself? / I’m so proud of you! / 6yo me who made cereal:
When Your Laptop Says It Has 10 Minutes Of Battery Left:/Did I Say Ten Minutes?/I Meant Ten Seconds.
When your jaw tightens after a really big yawn / And it hurts really bad
When you sit the wrong way for too long
When the best part of your favorite song comes on and your friend isn’t paying attention / Listen closely, JoJo.
What team-building exercises are supposed to teach me / Teamwork / Responsibility / Collaboration / Communication / What team-building exercises actually teach me / I hate people
What It Looks Like / What It Feels Like
The pupil of your eye can expand as much as 55% when seeing something you love