Tweet tweet chirp tweet chirp chirp / Do you hear that birdsong, Eva? Isn’t it beautiful?! / Get the F#ck out of my tree, Larry, you @##hole, or I will peck your F#&king eyes out!
The Cigarette Has Its Own Cigarette
Sticking your leg out of the blanket a little bit to regulate your inner temp
When you step in the shower thinking it’s warm but it’s actually really cold / The attempt on my life has left me scarred and deformed
Guys, / I’m starting to have a hard time distinguishing AI images from real ones
You realize just how unoriginal you actually are when you’re trying to come up with a username that hasn’t been taken.
King giving speech to a large army before a battle / Me and bro all the way in the back not being able to hear a single word
4x4x7=112 / Bi-Biii / Bi-Bi-Biii / Where Are The 12 Missing Tiles? / 10×10=100
The Current Year Hiker / Ounces Become Pounds, That Kit Is 5 Oz Too Heavy / Chad Samwise Gamgee / I Am Walking Into Hell And These Cast Iron Pans Are Coming With Me
Say Something Smart, Kowalski. / Most Of Our Dreams Are Far More Entertaining Than Movies
My Cat When I Mix A Pill Into Her Food / My Cat Eating A Dust Bunny From Under The Couch
Me Currently / Dreams
When You See Your Friend Liked A Reel / Without Sending It To You
Then:/If you use good punctuation, you are educated./Now:/If you use good punctuation, you are AI.
I think I just discovered / Ant Fight Club
I Blow My Nose So I Can Breathe Again. / I Hear A Crackling Sound.
Menu is in our app / Scan this QR Code for the menu / The menu is written on the walls / Here you go, a physical menu
When You’re Sat In The Front Of The Uber And You Can Hear Your Mates Having A Laugh In The Back
Don’t worry, it’s all your fault.
They Don’t Know We Only Exist Because Someone Needed A Relatable Meme Template
Don’t care + running + jumping + skipping + hopping + having fun + playing
Can u imagine how hot I’d be if I worked out & ate healthy? / I’m not gonna do it but can u imagine?
Types of brain fog:/ Brain is primordial sludge & you are drowning in it / U are a ghost and nothing is real / Mental equivalent of attempting to stream some high-res video game when all you have is dial-up / The thing you want to articulate is *right there* but you’re just scrabbling at it like a cat continually failing to catch the bird on the other side of the window / The Void
Bears in the wild love digging up and eating carrots. / Carrots are also packed with alpha-carotene, a nutrient proven to improve sleep.