When your mom who had absolutely no business cutting your hair decided to cut your hair when you were a kid.
You can only pick 2 / 1. Can communicate with oysters / 2. Free gravel for life / 3. Can teleport up to 7 inches away / 4. Grow a second nose / 5. Can control any toaster with your mind / 6. Look 10 hours younger / 7. Can instantly see inside any empty container / 8. Speak the extinct language Khitan / 9. Can run as fast as Albert Einstein
When he picks you up and spins you around / Coin x29 / Star x8
What kind of symphony is this?
No one:/ Gym beginners: what exercise can I do to train this part
Me / That’s what she said / Every conversation
Dolphin casanova / Thezombiunicorn / Follow / When your friend makes a sad post and you don’t know what to say so you just like it instead
Sorry chocolate milk out of stock / So I got dressed up for nothing
My exhausted body trying to fall asleep/My brain/Showtime
Movie there’s a funeral / Writer / Rain / Weather raid
Me trying to hide my feelings for somebody I like
Me sleeping safely from the demons by having my blanket and a pillow on my neck
When you’re really a backend developer but market yourself as full-stack
Archie Henderson / @jazzemu_ / Inside washing machine / Duvet cover climb in my brothers / Every single piece of clothing we shall build a new life in the big sock
Bros I think it’s my time to choose my starter pokemon
Sarah Miller / @Sarahlovescali / I hate when you sit down to work with a snack and you’re like yes this is going so well and then you realize what was going well was just the snack
Me: I already drank this week, tonight will be a chill one / Me 2 hours later:
How my homies look at me / When I’m presenting
Do you ever wish you could be a dog during weekdays and a human on weekends?
Me I have mastered a safe pattern for this boss and just need one more cycle to win / Inner me Do an extra attack in this cycle / You died
Rare find cat still in original packaging
New arrival / Bluetooth sword / This sword has a built-in speaker so you can play music from your phone while training the perfect training companion / Technical specifications / USB charging port / Audio cable / Motion-programmable for sounds like lightsaber or clashing steel / Default music Eye of the Tiger / Optional accessories LED lights and a smoke machine
When you ask an ADHDer why they always end up doing anything but the thing they should be doing / It’s about the side quests.
When you’ve got baggage unresolved trauma a sketchy past / But a lot of love to give