Watching your manager switch attitudes and tone once the boss is around
Oh this stranger in public is talking to me / I wonder what he wants I’ll say hi back / He was on the phone / Never again
Therapist Gary slippers aren’t real they can’t cure your depression / Gary slippers
The automatic toilet Flushes / Me who was literally halfway through using it
My teeth / Teeth of a mf that lived 10000 years ago
When you’re out with your mom and she keeps stopping to talk to friends
New rule / Never trust how you feel about your life past 9pm
Mean jokes / Let’s see who you really are / My own insecurities
Satan / @s8n / The monsters under your bed aren’t all evil / Some are sent from me to keep on you to make sure you’re doing okay
Me thinking i’m a lone wolf a misunderstood genius / Everyone else enjoying life
Me after solving plumbing electrical issue on my own without calling handyman
Iphones are better / No androids are better / Me an intellectual
Gets a gun to the head / I got no bitches
Guy Endore-Kaiser / If you live to be 100 you should make up some fake reason why just to fuck with people like claim you ate a pinecone every single day
How can I find a soulmate when / I can’t even find a group mate
How parents see their kids / Middle child / Oldest child / Youngest child
Mosquito has a near death experience trying to get food / Also mosquitoes / I’ll fuckin do it again
Doing dishes for the next hour / Eating it in 20 minutes / Preparing a dish for 2 hours
Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control, I will be late
Right ear / Amsr with open-mouthed chewing / Left ear / Movie trailers 5x speed
When you’re high but also feeling productive / Can’t have dirty garbage
All my symptoms the second I walk into the doctor’s office
You drink lots of water to stay hydrated / I drink lots of water to miss work time by peeing / We are not the same
Did you know / According to scientists an X-ray of your face is really a picture of what you’ll look like in 150 years