TV show character makes a joke that doesn’t make sense / The laugh track
If your girl / Loves laying on top of you / Refuses to leave your side / And is by your side every night / Then that’s not your girl / That’s your sleep paralysis demon that has risen from the bowels of hell to torture you / Why are you dating your sleep paralysis demon from hell / I honestly don’t know
The sun hitting my puppy revealed his true size
The four horsemen of staring
Me: I’m having such a good time / Brain: Sure would suck if you get hit with a low mood and go nonverbal and come off as rude and uninterested in your friends / Me: / [softly] Don’t.
Sorry I had to cancel last minute / But it took me forever to think of an excuse I hadn’t used before
Reject modernity / Embrace tradition
Me opens my phone for a second at a family reunion / Every young cousin within a 5km radius / I want to play a game
Non car enthusiasts when they see a cool looking car/Definitely not a ferrari/That’s a ferrari/Look ferrari
Someone yawns/My brain/What the hell was that/I want to do it too
Me has neutral expression on my face / My family / What is wrong with you
Me plugs in mobile at 1% charge and removes at 15% / Mobile / Sarcasm / You won’t let me live. You won’t let me die.
Me when my neighbors start a car door slamming contest at 3 am
Me giving a speech to 10000 people in my mind / Me in our annual family gathering
Ayo wtf these dishes still doing here / Me about to leave the house
I’m not planning on working here for long I have plans and dreams / The rest of the company
Humans build the pyramids with such precision that scientists today are still baffled / Also humans
Dogs when they wiggle their tail / Cats when they wiggle their tail
You’ve been sniffed
Me no more your dog food bag says 1 cup / The dog the oreo box surely doesn’t say 16 oreos tricia but here we are
You who cry because you lost your cat / While your cat is out there
When you go to a fancy restaurant / And still end up ordering the chicky tendies
Why would my own brain ruin my day like who’s side are you even on bro
When you buy a new pair of glasses / You will pay the price for your lack of vision