Tell me you have cats without telling me you have cats
Hey where did our tent go / Suspiciously tent shaped bear
Oh that’s weird my leather coral is randomly missing a chunk out of it I wonder what happ / My crab hat / Hat
Mom forgets the keys inside the house / Me at 8 years old
Me tired from work/school / Me when I get a message from my friends asking to play video games with them
Me watching my in game character level up and my school grades plummet down at the same time on my dual screen monitor
Me super short with a high pitched voice / Going through puberty / Me exactly the same but now with ass hair
Other people/Brandy/Footed pilsner/White wine/Red wine/Me an intellectual/Choccy milk
Me after going through a breakup/Me/Those were the best years of my life/My best friend/The best years of your life so far
Just end the sentence / Writers
Teacher: I need a strong young man to help pick up all these chairs / Me:
Son / I have acquired a conical bacteriophage for your birthday / Thank you thank you Papa / I love it
His soap addiction is ruining his life and family / Dawn ultra / 50% less scrubbing / 3x grease cleaning more power / Vs non ultra dawn / Dishwashing liquid / 828 ml 28 fl oz
Me gently removes a coat from the coat hanger / The other coats
Drinks 10 beers a day / Omg you alcoholic scum / You need therapy / Bro think about your liver / Alcohol is bad for you / Drinks 10 beers in 10 days / You shouldn’t drink beer every day / I think you have a problem / Dude calm down / You need help / Drinks 10 beers a year / What you are so weird / Lol no wonder you have no friends / You don’t know what you are missing / Alcohol is life
Can’t watch The Last of Us show because it will spoil the game / Can’t play the game because it will spoil the show
Nobody / Anime characters when they are going insane
All of my fingers crack / That last one / I will not cooperate
When you purposely step on a leaf and it doesn’t crunch
When I see a stray animal / Well I’m going to be his mother now
When I shave after a long holiday
My mental health / What I show to avoid hospitalization
We don’t have enough money in the budget for anything beautiful so / Imagine art here